Learning the hard way.

This past week has been an emotional rollercoaster to say the least. Our spring break was starting out on a great note. Tuesday we called Jonathan's dad and that is where the week ended. Jonathan's step brother,Chad, was in a bad car accident and he is no longer with us. I want to urge everybody to wear a seat belt please. I myself have been known to not wear my seat belt a time or two. I am going to promise to always wear it from now on. I've learned the hard way. Things like this should not happen. Chad was only 25 as of last month. He was one of the nicest funniest guys you could ever meet. I only got the chance to know him for 4 years and I am so sad that was all I got. I knew how hard it was going to be on Jonathan but I had no idea how hard it was going to be on me. Life is just to quick to take anything for granted. I am going to do everything in my power to be here to give my babies a long happy life. Everytime I look at them and they give me that goofy smile I can't help but wonder what kind of men they will grow up to be. I hope they are like Chad in some way. It kills me they won't remember him. Everything was beautiful. There were so many people there for Chad. He is resting in a beautiful place open to the sky and the warm sun was shining that day. i think for him. It was very strange listening to the speakers that were there. the pastors going on about God and how people in their times of grief can't possibly believe god was there with that person because he let them die like that alone and in pain. Then they went on about how is is and such. I feel like a horrible person because I just don't believe that. I just can't have faith in some "enitity" that supposedly does all these horrible things for a "reason" I'm not sure if I will ever know where I stand on religion. I just don't know what else to say. Hopefully tomorrow will be a nice day for our anniversary.